Overcoming Selfishness in Marriage

You don’t have to look far to see how selfishness is running rampant in the world today. It reaches as far as the global economy with one country seeking the betterment of itself over another, and can be as close to home when one child takes the biggest slice of dessert from a sibling. One of the greatest challenges that is faced in marriage is overcoming the natural tendency of focusing only on yourself.  As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught in a BYU devotional “We are taught that true love “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). These are all a beautiful description of Christ’s love—He is the greatest example of one who bore and believed and hoped and endured. We are invited to do the same in our courtship and in our marriage to the best of our ability. Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing.” He also said that “True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves.” (“How Do I Love Thee?” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Feb. 2000)

That is the beauty of being married! We are developing that true love that he mentioned when we focus on the needs of our spouse above our own. Also, as we learn and practice controlling the inclination to think only of ourselves, we can have the true love that was personified by Christ. The Savior taught many lessons about loving others, even in difficult circumstances. As we do work on that true Christ-like love we are becoming better people—better individuals, people, and spouses! Marriage is designed to make a man and a women better than they could be by themselves. It is continuous effort to achieve this, some would even call it work, but the rewards are immeasurable!

One other point that has resonated with me is that “righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship” (Bednar, 2006). He spoke about the unique differences in men and women actually complement and complete the other, in their marriage, and also in their efforts to draw closer to the Lord. A man and a woman are to progress together! I really love this amazing talk "Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan" There so much I can learn and be reminded of what marriage- a covenant marriage- is supposed to be!

I was interested when I read about the differences between a contractual versus a covenant marriage as found in Covenant Marriage by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. He shares that in a contractual marriage, individuals agree that as long as the relationship is mutually beneficial to them both they can stay together. There are separations/limits, prenuptial agreements, and other boundaries that restrict a couple from becoming completely united. When difficulties arise, or one side is taking more than their share, they see their contract is no longer viable and so they separate. There is a difference between a marriage that is based on a contract and one that is based on covenants. A covenant marriage is one where partners give 100% to one another, they are bound by sacred promises to love one another. They share, give, encourage, unite, grow and work together. There are sacrifices made, but with the mutual goals the married couple is stronger together. A covenant marriage is one that is meant to be eternal!