Loving Influence in Marriage

Have you ever had a disagreement with your husband/wife and you just knew that they were wrong? Even after pointing out every flaw in their argument, even after breaking it down and showing how ridiculous their side was with a 10-minute power point presentation? No matter what you said or did, they still wouldn’t change their mind? This can feel rather frustrating, for you and for them. I have been learning this week about forgiveness, humility, and accepting influence and learning how integral these principles are for marriages to be successful. When both spouses allow the other to influence them --especially when they disagree-- issues are worked out together. This isn’t to say you won’t have differences of opinion, disagreements, disputes, but it is saying that you how you handle one another can make all the difference.

It has been found that marriages are stronger when spouses allow their loved one to influence them. I thought of how this strongly relates to solving marital problems together. So often in a disagreement, we are so focused on who is right instead of what is right. We want so badly to "win" and have things done our way. Instead of listening to what our partner is saying, we try to shut them down, ignore anything they are trying to say, their point of view, or even listen to how they would solve the issue. This is the opposite of allowing our partner to influence us and doesn't really help solve a problem together. From "Drawing Heaven into Our Marriage" Goddard wrote "When we are in disagreement in a marriage, very often our focus is on persuading our partner that we are right... as we try to take from our partner her or his beliefs and preferences, we will get resistance and defensiveness." He then mentions the difference between dragging our spouse along and inviting them to be with us together. Just as we allow our spouse to help and influence us and us for them, a unity is created that allows two people to work together to solve problems, influence one another, and be stronger together. My favorite quote came when Goddard said, "As we choose to love and appreciate our partners in spite of our differences, we open the door to love" (p. 62). It is about having an attitude of love and being humble that allows that Savior to strengthen our marriage with our spouse.